Tuesday, February 01, 2005

White House Memo Revealed

The Moose Intelligence Service discovered this apparent top secret Administration communication.

To: Wormwood
Fr: K.R.

I am uncertain whether it is your determined stealth intervention or our adversary's suicidal predilection that explains this positive development. You have infiltrated the highest levels of the opposition party and appear to be determining their fate on our behalf.

I must admit that I did not think that this would be possible, dear servant. My cup runneth over with my deep appreciation. I am hardly worthy to be your mentor. I directed you to put in place that man that is a scream as the leader of our adversaries and you are on the cusp of fulfilling my directive. Another sign that the Lord is on our side!

Over the past two years, we have discovered that the weakness of our foe is in the areas of values and national security. They are perceived by many in the heartland as northeastern elitists who believe that southerners all drive pick-up trucks adorned with confederate flags. I commend you for placing an individual to lead our foes who personifies all of these weaknesses.
Not only that, he was the subject of international ridicule and late night comedians.

My gratitude to you is without boundaries!

We must restrain our glee over this apparent development. Last time this individual came forward, we were far too obvious in our preference. I, too, was guilty of premature elation. Rather, we must now prepare for the aftermath. I have consequently directed my minions to prepare all of the opposition work. The task is far too easy. Consider this gem - he once suggested that Osama should not be prejudged before he has a jury trial. I kid you not.

Our friends at the talk shows and Fox will spread the word. Just look how we assaulted two war heroes! We have plans to hold press conferences with party switchers in reaction to the election. The ads are in the can to associate our foes' office holders with their new leader.

The question I keep asking myself is are our foes so witless or are your efforts so sublime? It is as if our adversaries are mimicking the Heavens Gate cult and donned the purple veils and black nikes to enter the hereafter!

My friend, for over thirty years since I learned my trade at the feet of my marvelously evil master - the late and great RMN, we have employed cultural wedge issues to gain and retain power. Your efforts have made my task so much easier.

I am indebted to you.
-- Posted at 9:02 AM | Link to this post | Email this post