Friday, April 01, 2005

Breaking News - DeLay's Apology

The Moose has learned that the House Majority Leader has changed course and admitted error in an early morning closed door meeting with conservative leaders.

In a remarkable secret address at a breakfast this morning, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay acknowledged, "The Republican Party has lost its way. We have violated all of the principles that made us a majority in 1994. The allure of power was simply overwhelming."

DeLay continued, "Rather than trimming government, we became addicted to the expansion of the leviathan state to serve our corporate masters. We enlarged entitlement spending to satisfy the drug industry which has so generously filled our campaign coffers. Erstwhile small government conservatives have become addicted to pork barrel spending that strengthens their incumbency while it fuels the deficit. Instead of revering the tenth amendment and federalism, we directed the federal government to intervene in a deeply private matter that was already adjudicated by local officials."

And then DeLay stunned the audience of hard core conservatives with these concluding remarks, "I must also confess my own culpability in the betrayal of the revolution. With a humility derived from my faith, I must confront my flaws. My rhetoric over the past few days has often been intemperate, intolerant and insensitive. I, along with some of my closest associates, have manipulated the perks of power for our own personal advantage. We have only fed the perception that we are no different than the entrenched establishment that we overthrew a decade ago. Rather than confronting my transgressions, I have regrettably indulged in self-pity, victimization and abject denial. I am the agent of my own undoing. We have met the enemy and he is us. I am ashamed."

April Fools!
-- Posted at 8:13 AM | Link to this post | Email this post