Friday, November 12, 2004

Secret Memo Discovered!

While grazing in Lafayette Park, the Moose found what appears to be a note from a senior White House official to a Democratic mole.

From: K.R.
To: Wormwood

You have been a dutiful servant and you will be generously rewarded. Our success was in part due to your loyal and effective efforts. As you are aware, the swift boat attack was an integral part of our strategy to undermine Kerry's wartime heroism. The media was unable to detect our fingerprints, but it was executed just as I planned. And you successfully persuaded the Kerry team not to take the attacks seriously. Little did they know that our allies at Fox and the right wing echo chamber would provide the story with a long life. Our lies traveled faster than their slow rebuttals. We successfully raised doubts about his heroism which undermined his national security credentials. Oh, how the great Nixon would have admired our evil audacity.

I am also eternally grateful to you for organizing the Kerry fundraiser with the Hollywood and rock and roll crowd. And then you so sagaciously suggested that Kerry say the that left-wing cultural illuminati represented "The heart and soul of America." And to top it off, you arranged for press credentials for Michael Moore at the Democratic convention. That allowed us to set up the loony Moore for an attack at our convention! We are indeed fortunate that the Democratic elites just don't get it. Their cultural blindness allows us to pose as cultural populists while we defend a plutocracy!

But we cannot rest on our laurels. The press is now puddy in my hands. They overlook my many transgressions because they do so love a winner! You might just call it "sympathy for the devil"! My plan to portray the Republican Party as the reform party is now in place. Can you believe it? We Republicans control every lever of power and we will portray ourselves as the anti-establishment party that seeks to reform social security and the tax system. You and I know that the bottom line will be all about the bottom line - reimbursing our donors. But I will present the POTUS as a bold leader who will take on the establishment! Oh, my brilliance is sometimes blinding!

Your next mission is to elect the new Chairman of the Democratic Party. I am looking for someone who is a scream - if you get my message. I need to be discreet here because this missive could get into the wrong hands (or hoofs). Make certain that I can easily caricature the new DNC Chair as a northeastern liberal dove who is out of touch with red state values. I think you get my drift.

In the past few weeks, the only glitch in our plans were those pesky exit polls - they really put the fear of the Lord in me - but only temporarily!
-- Posted at 8:39 AM | Link to this post | Email this post