Friday, April 22, 2005

Preach, Brother Bill, Preach!

The Moose provides a preview of Pastor Frist, M.D.'s Sunday sermon to the faithful.

This weekend, the Right Reverend Bill Frist, who cures what ails you through the power of the Lord and video-tape diagnosis will deliver a sermon on the evils of the judicial filibuster to the true believers. Your servant, the Moose, provides a brief summary of Frist's homily to the Family Research Council's "Justice Sunday" condemnation of heathen judges who persecute people of faith.

"Brothers and Sisters, let us pray. Today's sermon is drawn from the Book of Exodus, the inspiration of our Constitution and my Moses-like Presidential aspirations. As our Hebrew friends celebrate their deliverance from Egypt, we beseech the Lord to reach down and rebuke the Pharaoh Reid. This enslaver of our people holds our judicial nominees in the bondage of the filibuster. Our nominees only want to enter the land of bread and honey where they can rule on behalf of the wealthy and serve their corporate masters.

Yea, we are Jehovah's witnesses to a great injustice! Those evil slavemasters such as Schumer and Kennedy crack their whip against those who seek only Senate floor votes. The Sign of the Beast is not 666 but 6o. Like the righteous Lord, with my rod, I will part the Senate chamber and allow a mere 51 votes to approve a nominee with the assistance of the Lord's messenger, Deacon Dick Cheney.

I have ascended the Mount Sinai of the Capitol Hill and have received the original intent of our father in this crusade. I have conferred with my righteous brother Aaron Rove and he has told me that I must genuflect before the leaders of the religious right so that I will not have to wander for forty years to fulfill my presidential aspirations. He told me that the Bush is burning with anger over the enslavement of his nominees. The wrath of the Lord will be upon the heathen donkey!

That is why I must hasten the arrival of Armageddon through the imposition of the nuclear option. If the Pharaoh Reid does not accede to my demands, I will rain a series of plagues upon his house including vermin, delays, boils, limbaughs, frogs, santorums, hail, coulters and the slaying of the first cloture. The G-d fearing Republicans will be passed over by the angel of death if they smear the dollar sign on the doors of their house.

Fear not, believers in the Holy Frist, we will not be trifled with - salvation will be ours!"
-- Posted at 8:37 AM | Link to this post | Email this post