Monday, October 24, 2005

White House Leak Memo Found

The ever-alert Moose came upon this memo while grazing outside the D.C. Federal Court House:

To: Wormwood
Fr: K.R.

I must applaud you for your efforts in launching "Operation Finger Scooter". The planting of the information in the Post was top notch. I regret that I must throw him to the prosecutor, but duty calls. I am far too valuable to the success of our mission to be sacrificed on the altar of loyalty to a fellow comrade. While I am the indispensable man, Scooter is, alas, the disposable one. I know that you understand this profound truth.

You can see what happens when my brilliance is absent - our leader goes off on his own and he pays a great price. The Miers debacle was orchestrated by the First Lady and the Kennebunkport faction. As you know, I told them that this nomination would anger the right and divide our precious base. But, I was distracted by my campaign to save myself and so the nomination went forward. And as a result, chaos ensued. As the forthcoming Scowcroft article indicates, this is increasingly becoming a clash between the Bush of Kennebunkport and the Bush of Crawford clans.

If I slip the prosecutor's noose, we must find a way for Miers to walk the plank. Thank you for planting the stories in the press about her abysmal appearances on the Hill. We must ensure that she goes the way of Chavez and Kerik. Please continue your work to undermine her nomination. Stoke the fires of discontent on the right. Instruct Hume and Barnes to bail out on the nominee when I give the signal.

Forgive me for wallowing in self-pity, but the fates have been cruel. Why am I now the knave when all I did to Plame is what I have always employed against my enemies? Over the years, I have slimed and smeared my opponents only to be celebrated by the Illuminati of the fourth estate and the powers that be. And yet now I am being persecuted for the same actions. This is nothing less than the criminalization of evil!

To quote Hugo,

"Besides, there is a point when the unfortunate and the infamous are associated and confused in a word, a mortal word, les misarables; whose fault is it? And then, when the fall is furthest, is that not when charity should be greatest?"

But enough of this melancholy, we must prepare for the worst even as we hope for the best. Ready the talking heads with the talking points about the criminalization of politics. Accelerate the slime against the Wilsons. Put the final touches on the oppo research on Fitzgerald. Raise "Operation Finger Scooter' to another level!

Dear Servant, please do not lose faith at this critical moment. I believe that our efforts to finger Scooter will be successful. But just in case, could you please find out who took DeLay's mug shot?
-- Posted at 8:20 AM | Link to this post | Email this post