Friday, December 23, 2005

White House Holiday Memo

The intrepid Moose Intelligence Service once again discovers a top secret White House document.

To: Wormwood
Fr: K.R.

My dear servant, you have earned a holiday bonus and more as a result of your work in recent weeks. I must admit that my faith waned a couple of months ago as our dear leader's poll numbers were plummeting without a net. The Harriet fiasco was mishandled without my input from the beginning. Operation "Finger Scooter" was successful, but the ramifications hurt our popularity further. And events in Iraq appeared ominous.

And then we set our plan in motion - and how our adversary cooperated! Indulge me for quoting Voltaire, but he put it so very well -

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it."

From the moment that I insinuated you into the hierarchy of the Democratic Party, I knew you could achieve my nefarious ends. You helped elect the Chairman. You urged the Democrats to take the most extreme position on the war - we can't win laced with a call for immediate withdrawal (nice touch with the "redeployment" euphemism).

And as the year ends, our dear leader is surging in the polls. The 'eavesdropping" leak to the New York Times prompted the Democrats to take the bait and stage a tantrum. Is this kind fate the result of our own genius or our adversaries' profound stupidity?

Please, please encourage Democrats to invoke the "I" word. After all, impeachment worked so well for the Republicans back in the '90s. And in this instance, Democrats are going after this President on national security grounds - I can hardly believe my fortune! And thanks for maneuvering the D's into resisting the renewal of the Patriot Act so we are guaranteed a debate over national security in an election year . Have they completely forgotten what we did to them in '02?

Lord, what have I done to deserve such kind fate?

Of course, not all is holiday joy and mirth. That pesky prosecutor is still on my tail, but I believe my consigliere has thrown enough monkey dust in his view to foil an indictment. And then there is the matter of Mr. Abramoff. This is indeed a problem for us. His tentacles touch the entire Republican establishment. When and if he talks, many of our valuable allies are endangered.

That is why it is so imperative that you continue to encourage the Democrats to indulge their dovish, ACLU tendencies. We must divert attention from our ethical lapses to their national security weaknesses. Alas, you know this well and you are ably implementing the plan.

Dear servant, you are well deserving of my praise and accolades! Best wishes for a nefarious new year!

* The Moose wishes the Mooseketeers a happy holiday and a Bully! new year. He will take a short hiatus to regenerate his antlers.
-- Posted at 8:24 AM | Link to this post | Email this post