The Moose Intelligence Service once again bagged a memo from a high Administration official.
My dear servant, it has not been easy to focus on my devious objective with that pesky prosecutor still on my tail! For now, my counselor has saved me from indictment, but I remain in jeopardy. I am indebted to you for successfully implementing "Operation Finger Scooter." And your suggestion to provide unlimited access to Woodward was brilliant. He remained on message discounting the scandal until his role was revealed. Can he still be useful?
As a result of our efforts, this has become the immaculate leak. Rather than get indicted, I may get a Pulitzer!
But, enough about my plight - important business is at hand. Our political plight is precarious. Our dear leader's poll numbers remain anemic. The only Bush that is doing well these days is Reggie (a bit of pigskin levity). That is why your efforts within the enemy camp remain so critical.
Rather than a focus on our profound incompetence, you must continue to urge our adversary to advocate withdrawal. I note that you successfully orchestrated the opposition's leader's call for immediate withdrawal on the day of our leader's speech on the war. I couldn't have written the script better - I will deviously portray that we are calling for resolve while our adversary advocates retreat.
Now, dear Wormwood, I have another task for you. You must embolden the lefty bloggers and activists to attack the sane voices in our adversary's camp. If the opponent argues that success in Iraq is critical - and holds us to that standard - we are indeed vulnerable. Indeed, it is fortunate that our adversary does not attack us as weak on Iran and instead fashions themselves as peacenicks on Iraq. As I have taught you, only hawks and not doves win elections. The only anomaly to that axiom is the 1964 election, and Goldwater was viewed as a flake.
So, encourage the left to smite all who oppose the withdrawal now option. Tell them to call those who reject retreat right wing renegades and even pawns of yours truly! We must embolden the extreme and weaken the center.
On another front - you must prepare for the separation of our leader from the House of Representatives - "Operation Jettison Abramoff." . Our operatives at Justice report that the Abramoff matter may soon reach critical mass. The Cunningham departure may be the precursor to a series of tearful retirements. The tentacles of Abramoff touch many in our party (and even comes to my doorstep) and you must create the distance between our leader and these malefactors. Not that malefactors are bad, of course!
Dear servant, I realize that these have been bleak days for our cause. I am convinced, however, that we will ultimately be saved by our adversary's foibles. The paradox of the moment is that you must encourage their blind rage against our dear leader. Rage will destroy their reason.
Do not despair - my will shall trump reality! --