Early this morning, the Moose Intelligence Service intercepted this White House document that is dated 6/6/06.
My dear servant, I am the throes of deep despair. There does not exist enough Prozac in the universe to lift my spirits. Please bear with me.
What is the cause of my gloom? It is very simple - the right is doing me wrong. I have done so much for the wing nuts yet they can only show their ingratitude. I delivered on their judges. I secured their tax cuts. We de-regulated. Oh, the base ingratitude!
Yes, there have been bumps in the road. Spending is out of control. But, the Congressional right is as addicted to pork as a a pig farmer. And yes Harriet was nominated, but that was not my doing. As you know, dear servant, I have been a bit distracted by my own problems - that also explains the Dubai distraction.
And now, the right is in a fury over immigration. Don't the righteous right wingers realize that their nativist instincts endanger my dreams of realignment? To shun the Latino vote will result in our party suffering minority status for years to come. I was to be the modern Mark Hanna presiding over Republican dominance for the next three decades. But, the fever swamp is jeopardizing my best laid plans.
Dear servant, forgive my narcissistic malaise. I must return to the task before us. We must play the only hand we have - the wedge. You have ably persuaded our servant, Senator Frist, to devote the next three weeks to gays, abortion and the flag. The next step will be a massive demonization of the Nancy Pelosi "San Francisco" Democrats and their band of ultra leftist Chairmen.
We must also raise the specter of the impeachment of our leader if the donkey prevails. Fortunately, Conyers and Feingold are cooperating with our plan. All must be done to frighten the base that civilization is in jeopardy if Democrats win congressional control.
The next few months provide us and particularly you with a daunting challenge. But, keep in mind that our best asset is our adversary. Despite our travails, our foe will inevitably over-reach.
So that you can re-energize you batteries, I am sending you an all-expense paid trip to Vegas this weekend. Unfortunately, you must mix work with your pleasure. Take a camera crew with you and record Reid and Pelosi at their panderfest with the kossaks - it will be useful in the fall.
Alas, what happens in Vegas, doesn't stay in Vegas. --